I as in Independence

By definition, the word Independence can have several meanings which all are inter connected somehow:

• not influenced or controlled by others in matters of opinion or conduct
• thinking or acting for oneself
• not subject to another’s authority or jurisdiction; autonomous; free
• not influenced by the thought or action of others
• not relying on another or others for aid or support.
• possessing a competency
• expressive of a spirit of independence; self-confident; unconstrained

Independence as a process, is something that we begin to acquire at an early age, first with the help of others, and later with our own effort and strength.

According to Maslow, when we are born, we come into the world with specific “Basic” needs; these most basic human survival needs include food and water, sufficient rest, clothing and shelter, overall health, and reproduction. The second level covers the “Safety” needs: protection from violence and theft, emotional stability and well-being, health security, and financial security. Then comes “Love/Belonging”, which relate to human interaction and are the last of the so-called lower needs; among these needs are friendships and family bonds—both with biological family (parents, siblings, children) and chosen family (spouses and partners). After that, we find “Esteem/Pride” needs, also called the higher needs, beginning with esteem, are ego-driven needs; the primary elements of esteem are self-respect (the belief that you are valuable and deserving of dignity) and self-esteem (confidence in your potential for personal growth and accomplishments). The last of these “needs” are Self-actualization needs; Self-actualization describes the fulfillment of your full potential as a person. Sometimes called self-fulfillment needs, self-actualization needs occupy the highest spot on Maslow’s pyramid. Self-actualization needs include education, skill development—the refining of talents in areas such as music, athletics, design, cooking, and gardening—caring for others, and broader goals like learning a new language.

In “The Discovery of The Child” we find : “The child becomes independent of his mother’s breast. Leaving this source of nourishment, he will be able to choose a hundred different sources of food. This is the same as saying that his means of subsistence have been multiplied. He will be able to make a choice, whereas at first, he had to limit himself to one form of nourishment. Nevertheless, he is still dependent, since he cannot walk or wash and clothe himself, nor can he ask for what he wants in intelligible language. He is the slave of everybody. But by the time he is three years old, a child should have made himself to a great extent independent and free”. (p.67)

Totally the first two levels of Maslow’s Pyramid, right? The first years of the child are all about him/her finding its place in the world, which is totally new for him/her, and it is worth exploring, of course! But … he/she needs the help of the adults, significant others, who offer tools to survive in that unknown world; food and shelter would be the first of those tools, offering the protection and sense of safety by “just being there” (I wrote about this in my post about “ATTACHMENT”), by offering a safe haven to always turn to.

In “The Science Behind the Genius”, by Angeline Stoll Lillard, we find: “As children get older, they still appear to need a safe haven and a secure base; they simply need it less often and feel comfortable venturing farther away. Dr. Montessori saw the task of childhood as becoming independent, and the role of the adult as assisting children toward that independence; Dr. Montessori maintained the teacher should serve as a safe haven whenever the child needs that. Yet when the child is ready to explore, the Montessori teacher was advised to be sensitive to the child’s need for increased independence, heeding the child’s call to ‘Help me to do it alone!’ ” (Montessori, 1948a/1976, p. 103).

Dr. Montessori noted that children seemed to thrive on having choice and control in their environment, and she envisioned development as a process of the child’s being increasingly able to be independent in his or her environment. (Lillard, Angeline Stoll. Montessori (p. 29). Oxford University Press. Kindle Edition) … This way she created, within her method, the area of Practical Life.

Practical Life routines have many purposes relevant to order and development; one point of these activities is to assist the child in independence, which Montessori saw as one of education’s primary goals. As the child engages in the exercises that can be found in this area, he/she learns a great deal of how to take care of this environment, take care of him/herself and take care of plants and animals which are generally part of a Montessori classroom; the children have responsibility to care for the environment: to return objects to their places, to behave civilly, to water plants, to clean up their spills, and so on. In helping children toward independence, the adult simply provides whatever guidance is necessary to ensure that the children make good decisions and engage in productive behaviors; with the mastering of the “chores” the child at a very young age learns not only to be independent, but also to be responsible and to give him/herself the satisfaction of meeting his/her goals, hence a boost in self-esteem and strength, both needed in the journey towards independence.

What about the next level? It is, as explained by Maslow, the last of the “lower needs”; it refers to something that is for uttermost importance because it offers the child the sense of belonging; it says: “you are part of this group”; it offers the possibility for the child to be part of something, something that he/she needs as an individual , but also to interact with others who are part of his life. At this level is, of course the interaction of children within the classroom and although the teacher oversees the classroom (and here I am referring to the Montessori classroom), it is truly the child’s classroom, with everything scaled to and arranged for the children.

The last two levels Maslow called “the higher needs”, which arise when the child gets older, when the accomplishments are ego-driven, and are necessary and fundamental to develop the self-esteem and the confidence needed to go out into society and be part of it successfully.

As we teach our children Independence, at some point in their lives, right when the enter the third level of Maslow’s Pyramid, they engage in relationships, they are not only individuals, but they start to belong to a group, to different ‘systems’ if you will, ‘family’, ‘peers’, ‘friends’, ‘community’; then comes the time when they realize that they are part of a system, but … they still need support, they need one another.  INTERDEPENDENCE rises as the concept of being all independent but also know that if they need help and support, they can find it, rely on it, and to see them through rough times.

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“HOW DO I HELP MY CHILD TO BE INDEPENDENT?”

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