H as in HONESTY …

Honesty, is closely related to one of the main areas of development, namely MORAL DEVELOPMENT.

Moral Development can be described as an integration of rules/moral standards, regarding family, school, and other social environments, which the child will incorporate as its own particular sets of values. Several theorists (Bandura, Vygotsky) explain this acquisition through imitation and social interaction with significant others within a group, with family, and society in general; others (Piaget/Kohlberg) link this moral development to stages, which the child goes through while maturing. Either way, all of them support the idea of Moral Development as something that starts to happen at a very young age, and depends on that factor (age), and on the environment, culture, and upbringing, among others.

According to Maria Montessori, the growth of moral formation comes from within the child, and every adult in the child’s life either nurtures that moral development or hinders it by putting obstacles in the path of its development. Then the child is ready to begin exploring the abstract. The absorbent mind of the younger child, that mind that soaks up facts and images and qualities of the world, changes to a mind that can reason. These children become reasoning explorers of the abstract as conceptual ideas makes them wonder and intrigue them; they use their reason to become aware about what is right and what is wrong.

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Vygotsky, on the other hand believed that people did not just develop tools to master the environment, but also developed “psychological tools” to master their own behavior. These tools are used to aid in their thinking and behavior. He argued that the intrinsic development may rule over a child’s development up to age 2, after that it is more influenced by the “cultural” line.

Although each of these theorists have different approaches, they coincide in two things, moral development takes place in the environment the child is in and although it is intrinsic in the first years of life, it becomes a “reasoning” act as the child ages and develops in other areas.

So, what do we, as parents and teachers, want to see in our children/students?

Yes, we want our children to have a sense of morality, we probably love to see recognition of the distinction between good and evil or between right and wrong; we would like for them to respect and show an obedience to the rules of right conduct; and perhaps when they are old enough, to have the mental disposition or characteristic of behaving in a manner intended to produce good results.

But when in the stages of development does a child begin to understand this distinction? When do children begin to know right from wrong or to recognize that they did something wrong? And I am not talking about academic errors, it’s much more than that. There is a lot to consider when, for example, a child lies; there is the age, there is the motive that is also depending on that age and there is the cognitive process of critical and logical thinking that leads the child to reasoning about the actions and understand the consequences.

Here are some facts:

• At the age of three, children recognize when something bad happens to a friend, but developmentally, they aren’t mature enough to realize that something isn’t true just because they want it to be.
• They already try to help when they approach at age 5-6, because at the age of six they start to develop empathy for friends, family and peers.
• At age 5-6 they certainly start to recognize right from wrong when adults prize or punish their peers; At this age they are already capable of following rules and regulations, but expect rewards; however, at age 5-6 they can show self-control when emotions get high and start to resolve through conversation and reasoning.
• At age 5-7 they often lie to escape responsibility or punishment, but they may also lie to get what they want (a later bedtime or permission to watch a must-see TV show), or because they’re afraid of letting you down, later, they start to develop this distinction in a concrete way, and then their opinion shifts to the intention behind the action.
• At this point children may feel anxious and lie to avoid blame and punishment.
• Ages 8 and up… At this age, your child’s lies are more deliberate. They may purposely “forget” to tell you something or omit certain details… As kids get older, they also sometimes stretch the truth to protect their privacy and stake out their independence.
• At 7-9 years old children help others, are empathetic and show worry about their environment and world problems. At this age they start to distinguish what effect bad actions affect them and resolve it according to how it impacts them; later, they know that actions, whether bad or good have consequences; they start to reflect on their own behavior and at age 9 they can see consequences as reflected on society. Regards for social rules and group rules are integrated to their own behavior within it. An awareness of the consequences is installed towards the end of this age group.

I know … it’s a lot to take in right? but bear with me for a moment … as I was going forward with my research, I realized that it was quite a complicated process, the acquisition of morality as a value I mean; it not only includes other areas of development (Cognitive, Social, and Emotional) but is also connected to several “words” related to the concept of Honesty.

What is Honesty?

The quality or fact of being honest/ Uprightness and fairness/Truthfulness, sincerity, or frankness/ Freedom from deceit or fraud.

Listed above I offer a series of facts that determine (in general) what aspects of Moral Development arise at certain ages; the intention behind lying for example are totally different for a child aged 3, then for one at age 8, maturity and reasoning that goes with that maturation are important factors, as are the environment and the modeling the children receive at these ages. So maybe you are asking yourself: Ok, got it … but, what do I do about it? I am sharing a link with you that has several “tips” for you as a parent, and of course for us Teachers; these tips are all applicable at home and at school, I hope you find them useful!!

https://www.greatschools.org/gk/articles/12-tips-raising-truthful-kids/

There are several activities, especially for bigger kids that as parent and teachers we can do with our children/students, here is an example:

Yes, this an activity for older kids; for younger kids, we might look for stories and books that they can look at the pictures while we read to them; remember that kids at a younger age learn by modeling, and reading stories can offer that quite well. The stories from “The Ninja Life Hacks” is totally suitable for younger kids for example …

There are many books and lots of stories that can help children to understand and manage their emotions around honesty and what it means to decide between right and wrong and take responsibility for the consequence. From a very young age they are surrounded by their peers and significant others that act some way or the other and it can be specially impressive when there is punishment involved; when we lead by example, as in so many cases I have written about in this blog, they will start to act by imitation, as they progress in age, the concrete transforms into the abstract and reasoning takes over; when the foundation of that critical thinking is strong children will act accordingly and will be able to discern between what is right, and what is not.

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Fun fact: there is a flower/plant named “honesty”; its botanical name is “Lunaria annua”, and it belongs the mustard family, having clusters of purple flowers and semitransparent, satiny pods.

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