As I realized that the letter G was coming up for the next blog post, I started to make a list of all the words that I could link to this letter; there is “Generous”, “Gratitude”, “Grace and Courtesy” (for the Montessorians among us), “Giving”, “Good-will”, “Guidance”, and then some that do not start with a “G”, but are closely related to the first one: “Generous”, such as “Kindness”’ “Hope”, “Care”, “Inspire”, “Friendship”, and a few more … then, and this is what I usually do, I started my ‘research’ on each one of the, I mean, in terms of definition and contents, and I realized that there was so much that I had to make a choice … what did I decide ? I decided that the word “Generosity” encompasses pretty much all the rest, and … what is so important to me at least, all of them are related to Love, love for another human being, better said: for our children, for our students for our community, for our pets, for other animals, for our environment, for everything and everyone!!

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Throughout the year in a Primary Montessori classroom, children receive a multitude of lessons on what we call “Grace and Courtesy”. Grace and Courtesy lessons are essentially teaching the children what it means to be polite and how to appropriately communicate his or her feelings. “Montessori education includes explicit instruction on social behavior in a part of the curriculum called the lessons of Grace and Courtesy, which are on a par with lessons in math, music, and language. The goal of Montessori education, in fact, is explicitly stated to be the education of the whole person, not only the intellect. (The Science Behind the Genius, Angeline P. Lillard, p.225)

How can we relate this to “Generosity”?

If we look closely at the definition: “Generosity",Generosity is the act of being kind, selfless, and giving to others” … in our social life, and children learn this from a very young age by modeling their parents, caregivers and teachers, interacting in a kind and forthcoming way is indicative of being considerate and thoughtful, in other words, being free of meanness or smallness of character. Dr Montessori was on to something here don’t you think?

At a very young age, children in a Montessori classroom start to receive these lessons in the curriculum of the Practical Life area, which also contains the “Grace and Courtesy” lessons.

Covering one’s mouth – Passing by a tight space – Getting to the aisle – Walking around a conversation – Greeting by name – Introducing oneself – Introducing two friends – Introducing an adult – Opening a door for another – Knocking before entering -Giving comfort to a friend – Choosing one item from a platter-  Using a napkin – Excusing oneself from the table, and more …

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How can we make them attractive to the children? Timing is essential, if we want our children to be part of a respectful community, we need to build trust, and this can happen if we take the time to teach acts of kindness and love; children always will be grateful for the time we invest in them, so they feel part of a group that helps him/her not to feel awkward or unsure of what he/she is doing. When children feel that we are considering them, it builds a sense of belonging that leads to self-esteem and independence. Grace and Courtesy exercises work as “lubricants” to help the children be comfortable and natural with others and with themselves. We offer these exercises for life so that the children grow into individuals who are poised, natural, and authentic. It is our hope that they learn healthy ways to resolve conflict, share differing opinions, work through opposing points of view, and continue to establish, maintain, and improve their relationships. . It is also through living these aspects of culture in our daily lives that people become more tolerant, accepting, patient, tender, and charitable.

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Generosity is a learned character trait that involves both attitude and action—it is a virtue both an inclination or predilection to give liberally and an actual practice of giving liberally.

Generosity is therefore not a random idea, in its mature form, a basic, personal, moral orientation to life. Furthermore, in a world of moral contrasts, generosity entails not only the moral good expressed but also many vices rejected (selfishness, greed, fear, meanness).

Generosity always intends to enhance the true wellbeing of those to whom it gives.

So, generosity, like all the virtues, is in people’s genuine enlightened self-interest to learn and practice.

(From: https://generosityresearch.nd.edu/more-about-the-initiative/what-is-generosity/)

In one sentence: “In order to be generous, one must have kindness and a sense of giving” … but … how do we do this? How do we ‘teach’ this to our children/students??

1. Be a role model and help them understand the need.

Research stretching back decades has found that kids are more likely to be kind and generous when they have at least one parent who models that behavior for them; it’s also important for parents to have conversations with their kids about generosity.

2. Help them understand the need.

Here parents can tap into kids’ strong propensity for empathy—evident in the earliest stages of life—which enables them to pick up on the emotions and needs of others. A personal, human connection to someone makes that person’s needs feel more real, harder to ignore, and thus motivates us to alleviate his or her suffering. By the time students reach fourth or fifth grade, they have the critical thinking and organizational skills to consider bigger actions that they could take to help address those needs, such as organizing fundraisers or service projects, and they can better understand which organizations in their community are meeting those needs.

3. Help them see the impact.

A significant finding from studies of adults is that they’ll derive greater happiness from their generosity—and thus be more motivated to give again—if they’re able to see the impact it has on others. As kids get older, perhaps starting around the age of six, when they can see the impact of their work up close—like by volunteering at a soup kitchen or nursing home, or by helping to clean up a local park—and especially if it involves forming strong social connections with the people they help or with fellow volunteers, it is more likely for them to engage.

4. Make it part of who they are.

Making their own (the children’s’) contribution might be a key to building a lasting habit of generosity: research suggests that when people give away something that has greater personal meaning or significance to themselves, they actually feel more committed to the cause they’re supporting and are more likely to keep supporting that cause down the line; perhaps surprisingly, giving generously might be more “sticky” if it involves personal sacrifice; this suggests that not only is giving rewarding to kids, but also that giving might be especially rewarding when it involves some sense of sacrifice”.

5. Give them choice.

Decades of research has found that when people are forced to do something kind for others, or even subtly coerced to do it through an external reward, they’ll feel less motivated to help others in the long run. Instead, Jill Gordon stresses the importance of presenting options to kids and giving them choice. “If you’re not involving kids in that conversation, they feel like it’s being forced on them,” she says. “It feels like homework.” (Adapted from: https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/)

A few things to keep in mind:

• Imitation is an element of learning; this starts at a very early age, even before children can talk and express themselves; so, observing their parents in action can lead them to make for example the same movements – take the same actions – as the adult that is in front of him/her.
• It is mentioned that children in 4^th and 5^th grade or those who are older than 6, develop the cognitive ability to understand and reach the critical thinking skills needed to be aware of bigger actions in terms of helping others; but, children as young as 4 years old already are Interested in new experiences and cooperate with other children, as well as when they  want to please friends and are more likely to agree to rules at age 5;  we can see that at a younger age they are capable of choosing between themselves or others, which makes them likely to be more sensible to the needs of others.
• At 3-4 years old children become increasingly capable of analyzing the world around them in more complex ways. As they observe things, they begin to sort them into different categories, often referred to as schemas. Since children are becoming much more active in the learning process, they also begin to pose questions about the world around them. “Why?” becomes a very common question around this age. It seems only natural to think that if we as adults talk about generosity, their cognitive abilities are such that they will start to understand the concept little by little.

Generosity and giving are about when the child is “ready” for the kind of generosity that people manifest when sharing and helping others…. a child in the range of ages 3 – 6, as Dr Montessori states in many of her books, to whom we “demonstrate respect, along with having specific lessons on the topics of Grace & Courtesy, on Kindness and Giving, guides the children towards becoming more friendly.”

(From: https://reachformontessori.com/how-to-teach-grace-and-courtesy/)

On a personal note … as you know my children went to a Marists School; their philosophy was based on one of the mottos that Marists Brothers hold: “If you do not live for service, you are not serving life” (that is the best I can do in terms of translation, my apologies!!) … so, during their time at school they all participated (still talking about my children) in some kind of solidarity activity, charity or community service. It was on a voluntary basis, and surprisingly almost every student took part in something of the like, at some moment in their life as a Marist student. One of the activities or groups rather that younger children were a part of was “Amigos en Marcha” … “Friends on the Move”; they mostly shared time together on weekends, and every once in a while they went to “help” collaborating parents (professionals who offered their expertise) at the “Health Center” in one of the most poor areas in Caracas; the children, within their abilities helped the seniors to move around, served snacks, or water where needed, and helped many with reading and understanding their prescriptions or simple instructions for personal hygiene; this “work” gave the students a sense of purpose, and it mainly gave them a sense of gratitude and appreciation for everything that they were able to enjoy in life, and we mainly take for granted. I personally am very grateful that my children had these experiences, it certainly made them “better” people as adults, and learned to share whatever knowledge, ability or quality they had been offered in their own environment.

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