F as in …. Fear

As I decide to write about Fear, I think it is important to bring up the opposite, which some of you might be thinking is Fearless, but, contrary to that belief, the opposite to Fear is: “Courage”. Being Fearless is being free from Fear, and let’s be honest, are we really free from fear at any time in our lives?

Deep inside we all can relate to something that we feared as an infant; we all experienced (although we are not very aware of it at the time) the fear to the unknown – before we are born, we don’t ‘know’ what is out there, at all! Our surroundings, the people, however in a relatively short period of time we must transform our surroundings into something ‘familiar’…and that, is no easy task!

That process does not happen without fear, and yes, it is unique for each one of us, but it will be present no matter the circumstances we are born into …

I’ve done a lot of reading about Fear; I consider myself a very FEARFUL person; confronting my fears has not been easy, however confronting them has helped me to be more aware of them; as a parents and Teachers we can help our children in the task of overcoming these feelings, preparing them to face some of these very natural and common fears so they can confront them with ‘courage’!

So, what is FEAR?

Full Definition (as stated in Merriam-Webster Dictionary):

1a: an unpleasant often strong emotion caused by anticipation or awareness of danger

1b:(1): an instance of this emotion.

     (2): a state marked by this emotion.

Understanding the Science of Fear

“Fear is our survival response,” says Northwestern Medicine Clinical Psychologist Zachary Sikora, PsyD. Some people — roller-coaster fans and horror movie buffs — thrive on it, while other people avoid it. Have you ever wondered why?

1. Fear Is Physical

Fear is experienced in your mind, but it triggers a strong physical reaction in your body. As soon as you recognize fear, your amygdala (small organ in the middle of your brain) goes to work. It alerts your nervous system, which sets your body’s fear response into motion. Stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline are released. Your blood pressure and heart rate increase. You start breathing faster. Even your blood flow changes — blood actually flows away from your heart and into your limbs, making it easier for you to start throwing punches, or run for your life. Your body is preparing for fight-or-flight.

2. Fear Can Make You Foggy

As some parts of your brain are revving up, others are shutting down. When the amygdala senses fear, the cerebral cortex (area of the brain that harnesses reasoning and judgment) becomes impaired — so now it’s difficult to make good decisions or think clearly. As a result, you might scream and throw your hands up when approached by an actor in a haunted house, unable to rationalize that the threat is not real.

3. Fear Can Become Pleasure

Why do people who love rollercoasters, haunted houses and horror movies enjoy getting caught up in those fearful, stressful moments? Because the thrill doesn’t necessarily end when the ride or movie ends. Through the excitation transfer process, your body and brain remain ‘exited’ even after your scary experience is over.

“During a staged fear experience, your brain will produce more of a chemical called dopamine, which elicits pleasure,” says Dr. Sikora.

4.Fear Is Not Phobia

The difference between fear fear and phobia is simple. Fears are common reactions to events or objects. But a fear becomes a phobia when it interferes with your ability to function and maintain a consistent quality of life. If you start taking extreme measures to avoid water, spiders or people, you may have a phobia.

5. Fear Keeps You Safe

“Fear is a natural and biological condition that we all experience,” says Dr. Sikora. “It’s important that we experience fear because it keeps us safe.”

Fear is a complex human emotion that can be positive and healthy, but it can also have negative consequences. If a fear or phobia affects your life in negative and inconvenient ways, it would be a time to address it.

(https://www.nm.org/healthbeat/healthy-tips/emotional-health/5-things-you-never-knew-about-fear). (Published October 2020)

Helping Children deal with FEAR

Talking to your child about FEAR is a good idea, especially if it’s an emotion they’re experiencing frequently. How you explain it really depends on where they are developmentally.

For the younger child, it can be helpful to tell them that FEAR is something we all experience and something that is part of being human; acknowledge their feelings, and yes, it is uncomfortable but above all, let them know that they are safe and that you empathize. Gently help them explore the situation and never minimize it!

As children get older, they might benefit from having you explain the ‘science’ behind FEAR in a way they understand. You might combine the empathy and acknowledgement of their feelings with gentle questioning: “I know you are afraid of what you saw in that movie; do you think that could happen to you?

Keep in mind to let the feelings kind of ‘sink in first’ and then at a more adequate time, bring it up, so they can concentrate on the conversation rather than on the FEAR itself.

When I was a little girl, there was this song I used to hear from my grandmother (and sometimes my mom); it was called “Under Mom’s Umbrella” featuring two kids that were joyfully walking through the rain, splashing around in the puddles. In ‘The Secret of Childhood’ (p. 144, Kindle Edition) Maria Montessori, states the following:

… “an important Spanish writer wished to write of this phenomenon which struck him as a fact worthy to be known by the public. He had three daughters, who were already big girls, and a fourth little girl, who attended one of our schools. If there was a thunderstorm during the night the youngest was the only one of the four who was not afraid, and she would lead her elder sisters through the house to their parents’ room, where they used to take refuge on such occasions. Her presence, through her freedom from mysterious fears, was a real comfort to the others.” ...

... “A ‘state of fear’ is different from fear arising from a normal instinct of self-preservation in the presence of danger. Now this kind of normal fear is less frequent among children than among grown-ups. This is not only because children have had less experience than adults of outward dangers. One might even say that it is a prevailing characteristic of childhood to face danger, and that this is proportionately far more developed than in adults” …

... “Everything that brings the child into contact with reality and allows him to gain experience of the things of his environment, and hence an understanding of such things, tends to liberate him from the (disturbing) state of fear. In our normalizing schools the disappearance of subconscious fears, or their failure to appear, is one of the clearest results” …

In the previous quotations from Maria Montessori’s writings, she refers to ‘the unknown’ that children encounter in life, and how they can “use” their fears to go into action; this will give them the ‘experience’ they need to keep on going forward and the confidence that they can achieve their goals, even when they might be challenged by fears. That is how this young man ‘decides’ to jump from the swimming pool board; he overcomes his “fear” of how it will turn out, being this maybe the first time he jumps!!

“In our experience of normalization, we have had no heroic episodes, unless we accept the expression of some noble desire, which is, however, a very different thing from a real heroic action. But the real and ordinary incidents in the lives of our children are to be referred to a “prudence” (sense of caution) that allows them to avoid dangers and hence to live among them. For example, they are early able to handle knives at table or even in the kitchen; to handle matches and to light the fire or candles. They can be left free near ponds and can cross the road in town. In short, they are able to control their actions and at the same time control their rasher impulses, thus attaining a serene (and loftier) form of life. Normalization therefore does not make them run into danger but develops a prudence (caution)that allows them to go about in the midst of dangers, knowing them and mastering them.”

From ‘The Secret of Childhood’ (p. 144, Kindle Edition) Maria Montessori.

(Normalization in a Montessori environment: the focus, concentration, and independence of the children, by their own choice. It means they have acquired the internal freedom to initiate work, be independent, and adhere (by choice) to the rules of the environment.)

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